my life is loveless. 

love.

Hello blog. long time no see. So i met this guy.. Palestinian!! Allahu he owns the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen my whole life. Long, thick eyelashes with light brown eyes. Pitch black eyebrows.. Oh Allah so very perfect. 

He is kind although he cant speak fluent english. Neither can I but, he owns a beautiful personality. Very.. smooth. gentle and romantic. 

I haven't felt love for so long, I haven't felt butterflies in my stomach for sooo long. 

But I don't think my parents would agree. Hm.. May Allah protect me, may Allah protect him. May Allah protect us and ahow us the right path. 

I love you, Ghaled Suleiman Salem :) 

A dad's love.

I miss my father. He changed, I couldn't really remember anything good about him, about us. 

All i remember was him, being abusive towards me and my brothers. But of course. I need to pretend that my father loves me. 

He told me once that I'm not worth a penny, that he had never met someone like me. 

Everytime I go somewhere and see a kid with his or her dad, my heart aches and bleed. My ribs all broken. And so is my soul. 

I feel like I don't have a father. I don't feel like he exists. He would give me money, but how I wish that everytime he does, I'd just take the money and slam it infront of his face e and say that I dont want his money. 

Why can't he understand that all I want is attention and love from a father.

For so long, I feel very empty. For now I can't really state why. But maybe, just maybe it's because of my father. 

In silence and pain, And all the broken pieces of myself, I still love him endlessly. 

He is a man I could never replace, he is my hero.  

My inactive superhero. 

Racism.

So, I've been in Adelaide for three days. I have another 7days here. 

Everything is fine, I love Australia and I certainly love winter. But.. I just can't stand the racism. Why? Why me.. is it because of my hijab? Is it because I'm muslim? Because I'm asian?

I wish people here wouldn't judge people by their beliefs. Because at my country, there's just no such thing. Well maybe aome of the chinese are anti malays, and some malays are anti chinese. But I have a strong feeling that, once they get to feel what it's like to be hated here, how asians are treated here, they would never take things for granted. 

I'm not afraid, not even scared. But it's safe to say that I'm saddened by all the misjudging. My bestfriend is Christian. The other one is buddhist. We have no problem at all. We love each other. 

This is just unfair. Just because I'm muslim, just because My race is different, it doesn't mean that I'd bring harm to other countries. 

Extremism is an act of violence by an individual, not the entire race/religion. 

It's just unfair to judge, it's just not. 

I can't just act like I'm okay, I'm not. The world is a cruel place. 

Racism.

So, I've been in Adelaide for three days. I have another 7days here. 

Everything is fine, I love Australia and I certainly love winter. But.. I just can't stand the racism. Why? Why me.. is it because of my hijab? Is it because I'm muslim? Because I'm asian?

I wish people here wouldn't judge people by their beliefs. Because at my country, there's just no such thing. Well maybe aome of the chinese are anti malays, and some malays are anti chinese. But I have a strong feeling that, once they get to feel what it's like to be hated here, how asians are treated here, they would never take things for granted. 

I'm not afraid, not even scared. But it's safe to say that I'm saddened by all the misjudging. My bestfriend is Christian. The other one is buddhist. We have no problem at all. We love each other. 

This is just unfair. Just because I'm muslim, just because My race is different, it doesn't mean that I'd bring harm to other countries. 

Extremism is an act of violence by an individual, not the entire race/religion. 

It's just unfair to judge, it's just not. 

I can't just act like I'm okay, I'm not. The world is a cruel place. 

another loss.

I think i'm going to lose my bestfriend, it's so frustrating I swear. 

but i don't get to choose who she wants to be with. maybe i'm just not good enough, idk. but God it hurts so much. everytime i think about it i feel like getting out of this horrible and cruel place. 

day by day, i see her happier with her new friends. and i just don't have the power to stop her, i can't. in a way, seeing her happy makes me so happy. but Allahu, knowing  that she is not happy with me cuts me too deep. almost like the wound would never heal. 

when i saw her the other day, she was so happy. and i felt so neglected. i weeped silently beside her. 

"Oh Allah, help me. Why are You taking the person I love away from me? one by onee. oh Allah I can't get through this, help me. Protect my heart. Please ya Allah, I don't want to get through this again" 

I kept repeating the same thing in my head, in my heart. No other words could describe how destructed I felt. I keep the teddy bear and chocolates she gave me, too special to eat. 

I love you, my bestfriend. You're one of the best things that have ever happened to me. You'll remain to be my sister at heart, even if we have to say goodbye to each other. I will always love you, will always pray for you. 

be happy, my friend. 

"Make You Feel My Love"

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love